Blarg
 

 
Group blog
 
 
   
 
20010930
 
I don't see my dad often. I don't think he hunts. The two major males in my family are my uncle and my uncle and they are both avid hunters, though.
 
Did he really threaten to shoot you? Oy vey, I'm starting to think he should be an unalive. I know, I know, bad thought. Shame on me. But if he were, it would make things easier with me and Damien. I don't like having to keep him a secret. What the hell am I supposed to do?

Yeah, Collin, you should be extremely glad you've never met my dad. Meeting my mom would be cool, but never ever, for your own safety, meet my dad, okay?
 
??? Wow now I'm glad I never meet audreys parents. I hate meeting parents especially girls parents cause one, they're usually white, and I'm black, and they wonder what my motives are, two, it's a girl and their daughter, and it scares me that the dad might be thinking I'm trying something, and every dad I've ever met has been a hunter of some sort. Except for Jenn's dad, who was an Unalive. (Thanks audrey.) Speaking of which, today I got a back massage on my lunch break from the last person I expected. Adrian Yancy, it also just happens that her boyfriend dumped her. I'm thinking of asking her out....but then again I've never done that before so I wouldn't know how to do it. Nor do I believe I have the balls to. I guess I'll just make her a really good friend till I feel like it wouldn't be so awkward. I hope her dad is an Unalive too.
 
post and publish, it even showed up when i did it, but lo and behold....ITS NOT THERE! i like my dad, audreys dad threaten to shoot me with a bow and arrow
 
My hand is covered in glass. I can't make a fist. I'm afraid I may have rubbed some iin my eye. It feels all tingly...'til the pain. It hurts. By the way, does anyone know wher eI can find a rom of paladin's quest, record lodoss war, robotrek, nobunaga's ambition?
 
Damn it! Don't anyone hurt anybody! Do not make people emotional wrecks and what not. Be kind to all, even those that hurt you, for it is a greater attack upon someone to be stoic in the face of attack, it makes them feel bad for their actions against such a humble person.

20010929
 
No I don't want to hurt Jenn....
 
Going to hurt Jen, ay? Turnabout is fair play, I guess. Toss 'er in Lake Michigan, it feels great this time of year.
 
My dad pisses me off too.
 
Isn't it true. A story gives you inspiration to start anew and then you get tired of doing it at One-quarter through. I'm going to chicago people! I'm sooooo happy, a weekend in the big city with a person I'm starting to dislike more and more each day. Girls can do stupid shit sometimes. I'll teach them though. It's sad, but I've devised a plan to hurt the one who hurt me tenfold, and if this weekend doesn't go well god help her, cause when I'm done with her she'll be a worse emotional wreck than I. And that's hard to do. I'm thinking of returning my car. I did a speed test with miles last night, we got to 115. I however went out and bought a portable speedometer for blue( It goes on the wheels) and found out that it can go 5mph's faster than the sable. I might get a sunfire. While it's not a coupe, it's sporty and sapphire, just like blue. We'll see.

20010928
 
I just got back from seeing Antigone and I think I'm going to revive my effort to write a play, but I'll probably get bored and give up.
 
One last thing, we're all supposed to be going out tonight, isn't that right audrey? So I hope everyone, like audrey, is at home when I come to get them, or that cuts everything in half. And everyone will find out what the joker means if they don't comply.
 
Hey fatty, just cause I ate sum buttah, don't mean I'm a fatty, so shut your fatty face before I make you! You'll never be in my league fatty and that's the bottom line cause stone cold said I could eat what I want when I want without becoming a fatty.
 
What happened with the drunk Collin experiment? Wait... You're online, so I can just ask you now.

My dad pisses me off.
 
Drew is a bum and had food given to him and there's a scary old guy that explained sex and the concept of the "69" to Daniel. I stepped on a sqirrel and fainted (two seperate days) Great vista on top of parking garage under construction. Lexington named after a horse. Lost city under downtown lexington. Reverse gravity cave in new mexico. Damn, why can't I be bum, always drug dealer for me.

20010927
 
oh i couldnt do that, my compitition of fattness as you know is way out of my league, collin, maybe you could slow down untill, say, a few years and give me a little boost, you know its not fair if i start at the btom of the fat-o-meter, and you are already breaking through the top
 
Hey, hey fatty, shut up you need to go eat a fatty stick ok. Now go do it before I get mean fatty.

20010926
 
i like diet cheese
 
My brother's lowly classmate decided to be pesky. He's the Lil' Degg retard. I had fun.

┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
IRON HAYDEN?
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
Yes...
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
Now shut up. I'm busy.
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
is that suposed to be hayden kolodey?
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
Yes...
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
Now shut up. I'm busy.
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
do u have his e-mail
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
No...
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
Now shut up. I'm busy.
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
i always froget to give it to him or get it from him
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
y r u busy?
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
I told you shut up fatty!
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
look at urself
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
I am. I'm pretty. Now shut up. I'm busy.
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
y r u busy?
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
I am.
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
what r u doin?
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
I'm looking at myself. You told me to.
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
talking to ur friends from canada?
Iron Hayden ROCKS!!! says:
Now shut up. I'm busy.
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
lol
┴!┴!Lil' Degg (L)'s Olivia & Natalie┴!┴! says:
ok
 
Fat Chicks in Party Hats website, the picture is still up, the one that looks like Barry. Caption: "Dipshit Monkey eats a non-food"
 
Ouch! Mr Hassenburg is being an ass, but what's to be expected of a fatty? Guess I saw it comming, just like your mom.

20010925
 
cheese with lard balls, mmm, just like collins mom, speaking of fat, how would you guys like to join me in a game of "make fun of fat people"!
 
Hey, hey, shut up fatty, or I'll make you eat butter!
 
i like cheese as much as the next fat man
 
Take a look to the sky just before you die...It might be the last time. Just don't know do ya?

20010924
 
Hey folks, a poem of mine is some sort of regional winner in a contest. That's cool. I hope I can get $1000 from it like my cousin got from his poem. Anyway, wassup all you blogger folks? La la la.
 
me too! *punch post*
 
Oh, but what am I doing wrong, I am doing post and publish.
 
Ok, apparently my hint was too suttle.
POST & PUBLISH BUTTON! NOT POST! POST & PUBLISH!
 
The working day is long, and the road is grinding on, and the body's winding down again, yeah, yeah. It's been a hard day's night, and I been workin' like a dog, it's been a hard day's night, I should be sleepin' like a log. You load sixteen tons and wadda ya get? Another day older and deeper in debt. Saint peter don't'cha call me 'cause I can't go, I owe my soul to the company store. ---grratuitous medley to illustrate a fear of getting a job.
 
I always live in the moment, and never worry about the past. The future is mine so why worry about a thing that can't be avoided or effected? Carefree am I? Yes definately. Do I understand my freedom? Yes. Too rah loo rah too rah loo rye aye! -Come on Eilleen by dexy's midnight runners

20010923
 
Regardless of the fact that I still have a little time left without responsibility I know it's coming and as long as I know that I'll dread it, I wish I could live life in the moment but moments fly by too swiftly these days.
 
For the first time in a long time, I'm fucking confused. I never really thought that I was growing up, only growing older. I haven't changed, I do things for money now, but that's to be expected if I want to continue living the way I do now, and it allows me to do so, so I'm happy with whats happening, I just figured I might mature a little between now and next year, not become the head of a household, Hell, I'm doing that now. Calm down powers you're in college, you don't have to grow up yet. You need to worry about learning to drive again. You can drive next year, and believe me, having a car is very useful. Well, later I have a phone call to make. Purple hair... I was thinking blue was next, but I knew it wasn't going to fade completely, guess I'm learning.
 
Ya know, the "Post & Publish" button is rather useful.

Oh yes, my hair is purple now.
 
I've got no allergy medicine and no place to sleep. I'm going to stand in a corner with a roll of tissues nearby and wait for something to happen.
 
Ah, the flower of my life sheds yet another petal to be claimed by the endless stream of time. As I am now nineteen, this is the 20th time this day has come around. Let us ponder this fact. 20 is such a small number and yet everything I ever knew came into my mind within these past half-score and nine years and nearly one day. Odd that all the experiences of my life are contained therein and yet to those of greater age that is a matter of no time. I have noticed my perception of time to spped up greatly o'er the years, and I am afraid. I was twelve once, looking out at adulthood and wanting to go back, to recede into the land of the child. I saw in adulthood neverending duties to keep a job to earn money and work so many other jobs to use it, the bill payer, the grocery shopper, the maid, the repairman, the banker, the chef. I relized that I didn't want to be an adult, I didn't want to grow old but there was nothing to do but deny aging. That lasted several years but did not convince me that I was not aging. I strove to keep a pre-pubescent voice and plucked away any hairs growing where they previously didn't. I told myself I was not yet interested in the opposite sex, even though I don't think I really went through that "girls are icky" phase. But finally my flse hopes of eternal youth had to be given up. Now I see the future coming straight at me like a spiked steel wall strapped to a rhino riding a freight train which is in turn being pushed by a bullet train and jet engines. I don't want my future to be adulthood. Bring me back my damned carefreeness and take back any and all responsibilities. I want to lay around and write poetry and eat and use the computer and watch tv and draw while others do all the work. Where did our youth go? Why is it so fleeting?
 
My apologies to anyone who was negatively affected by magic blogger vanish power. It was originally created by an HTML error, then I just decided to leave it be for a while.
 
Where did the words go? I had to highlight them to show. I'm sad. Anyway, It was a good night. Some people were missing, but all went well, I hope powers enjoyed his b-day. See you all soon.

20010922
 
MAGIC BLOGGER VANISH POWER!
 
I was standing at a urinal in McDonalds at around 11PM last night,
minding my own business, when I guy pops out of the stall and says
Hey man, need a fake ID? I said, Nah, that's alright and
kept doing what I was doing. Then another guy walked up to the neighboring
urinal just as I was finishing and said, Arg, I have a kidney stone!
I don't envy you, pal I said as I got the hell out of there.

Oh yeah, and 'happy birthday' to Powers
 
My past two posts were quotes. I only own one pair of shorts, and I rarely wear them. My brother changed the meaning of penis to dignified. Have a nice day.
 
But I was serious.... ????? I've never seen you in shorts in my entire life audrey. And they are comfy and easy to wear. They're also very cool in the summer, unfortunately it's almost over. October is right around the corner, and for some reason with the comming of fall I feel like I'm gonna age a lot. Actually become self dependent. Which is kind of scary. I do exert power over people however to change their will. I call it manipulation, and it feels soooo good. Oh I almost forgot! Penis.
 
I like shorts. They're comfy and easy to wear.

20010921
 
Arg! I tried to change the subject, didn't I? But noooooo! Folks, I'm gonna lay it straight out before you. It doesn't matter who could kill Daniel in a deathmatch because we wouldn't do that. I am a man on the path of peace and freedom and thus never get mad at people and usually don't try to exert any power over them to comply with my will. I do sometimes feign emotions like anger so as to avoid confrontation like in a crowd who think that terrorists are evil, I will pretend to think they are when really I think they are humans with motivations that outsiders don't understand. Of course I'm not suggesting anyone take my path unless they can walk it and still be aggressive for I am quite passive.
 
Get this daniel, I could kill you with my bare hands and with a gun too (Of course) But really out of the two of us I do believe, in my heart of hearts, I could kill you with little to no difficulty, I've seen the most of your strength, and what little you could be hiding can't be as much as I have, nor do I believe you match me in fighting skill. I pulled a stop sign out of the ground for gods sake, and I didn't even try hard. Plus I know I'm stronger than then. Just give in, and accept, I can kill you. As for the rest of you.. I now believe I'll be acending to godhood here soon through self manipulation of my own mind forcing me to believe that I am what I am, and am not what I wish to not be. Blarg people, and I hope tomorrow doesn't turn out to be boring as hell, cause if it does, I'm taking over.
 
Daniel, I could easily silence your heart with my bare hands. Daniel, don't look at death as...Wait a second, what the fuck am I doing? Telling Daniel I could kill him? Why? It's power, man, power. I want the power to create my utopia, enough to destroy my friend? No, because the perfect paradise is death. Anyway, I hope whitamin doesn't suddenly decide to accept the invitation to the blog because this is the plan: Last weekend he thought he was drunk off only two smirnoff ices. I plan on replacing the smirnoff ice in a bottle with a lemonade so that he can't tell the difference, I don't think he will be able to remember clearly enough to recognize a taste difference. I hope the placibo effect takes place and he becomes drunk through shear suggestion. I will have to rely on Daniel for my observations, however, because I shall be in Henderson this weekend.

20010920
 
Only though cowardly manners, like guns.
 
Don't put twinkies on your pizza. That is all.
 
Daniel you're mistaken... I can kill you.
 
I never said anything about killing you. I was talking about killing me. Blink Blink Sneeze.
Now I shall return to my fortress of solitude and try to get the pink off my nails. I shall not be your Anthy Himemiya!
 
This is hilarious, you guys talking like you could kill me!
 
Or maybe I'd save myself the time of going crazy and just kill myself once I've locked up the fortress.
 
If I ever end up being the last woman on earth, I plan to lock myself inside a very secure fortress so no one can get to me. There I shall go insane from being socially isolated and I will die. But no one can bury me anywhere because I'm locked up and I have the only key. Squee. Saves me from those damn freaky necrophiliacs, too.
 
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! No. In no case would I ever become gay. As I see it if me and him were really the last ones on earth I'd still kill him, but that's just how I am. You know. Not blood thirsty, but I'm not gonna let him kill me. So sorry, once again. And I told you she wouldn't be our queen. Did I call it? Ha, but any of us could had guessed that one if you thought of it. Anyway, later people.
 
what if collin and brandon were the last ones on earth, and audrey and i died, would you two become gay?

20010919
 
Ha ha ha. Of course. Sorry for that, but with only one woman left in the world all the males would want you as their queen. The previous posts were made in light-hearted humor. But I really do want to build my utopia. Yes. And the us has sent arial attack teams to the persian gulf, delightful. I smell death on the horizon. With any luck there will be a pheonix era of rebuilding and finally my plan that I have had since 8th grade may come to pass: Project Phoenix. Go to my website tommorrow (9-20-20001) and you can read about my phoenix!
 
Quit deciding my fate, damn it. If I'm going to be queen I'm choosing my king, and I say no king, so there.
 
No brandon you won't cause i don't plan to make the mistake of settling for the minister of defense, I plan to kill daniel track you down, because you are a very dangerous man when you have your greed driving you and especially when it comes to my queen...Lol. Sorry I had to say that, but I'm pretty sure if I let you live or let you join me, you'd just find some way to have me killed then take my place so I'm afraid you'd have to die as soon as possible friend, no offense. But that's only in the case of this situation happening, and in my serious opinion, (A)I doubt audrey would allow us to be king. (B) If she did it would only becuase she wasn't queen and had nothing to do with us. We'd fight among ourselves till one was left and then I'd, just mope around the united states looking for cars and equipment. Useful stuff. Cause seriously there's no way we'd be the last ones on earth. Let's have smores.
 
And I? Shall I have to be the hidden threat to your empire that lies in the shadows? I would step forth and challenge you to a deathmatch, Daniel. Trust me when I say you would not win. After I've killed you, then I will begin creating my Eden. Of course I doubt I'd let you get very far anyway in my path toward becoming a nearly benevolent God because I don't want to have to kill you. Oh yes, my Shangri-la shall come to pass. Such a beautiful world I can make with Audrey as my queen, my inspiration. Flowers everywhere I would have, draped over the decimated buildings to provide a contrast which will create my perfect organic art. I think my city shall look like Midgar at the very end of Final Fantasy VII. And there will be fountains of course! No city is complete without fountains so paradise will definitely have fountains. Oh Yes! And lights in the trees! Wait! That place is Downtown: Triangle Park. What the hell am I talking about again? Oh well. Mmmm...mushroom cloud. Tasty tasty mushroom cloud. If I eat it will I grow big like mario?
 
Looks like it's time for me to step out of the postapoclyptic shadows and start a new society...

I'm be king of the world, and I guess Audrey would have to be the queen. I'll appoint Collin as the Minster of Defence, and Barry can be the court jester.
 
What about your sake? Don't you matter, too?
 
I hope not, if so the only people left are you and barry and me, and barry isn't looking all that attractive...Mmmm, Maybe I'd kill barry then.... Nah. It'd be too convienient if everyone else died except us three. I'd have no one to worry about, and I could pillage all I want with out any threat of the law.... Mmmm no law that means I'm no longer moraly obligated not to kill! Yea....Wait you two are the only ones. Damn. Then there's damn, no fun with no one and especially no sex, the end of the world'll suck! I hope we're not the only one left. For both your sakes.
 
Ok, so I sit slightly to the left of in front of you. Details, details.

Say, did we miss the end of the world like the Simpsons?
 
oh oh oh, she's my cover giiirrrl, oh oh oh.
 
Wow, that was quick. I have work to do now, thanks person in front of me. Sort of....
 
Collin dear, the person you seek sits right in front of you in algebra.
 
I'm looking for someone who can actually draw anime, I'm sure with all the people that we know someone knows someone who can do it, Contact me if you have any Idea, I'm looking to get an original piece, a draw out of the main character in my novel. This person of course would be supplied with the first two short stories entering the series to get an idea of his background. And maybe even paid, if need be. I'm completely serious too. So don't just act like this is some cry out for help.... Recant that, sorry. This is a cry out for help, but not desprately. I don't think, anyway, thanks. -Collin
 
I went to bed at 4:30 I'm up at 6:53 actually 6:30, but they didn't care or didn't know.
Is it my fault they didn't know, Is my fault they didn't careDoes my luck care the way the wind blows and where,
I wish I had something to do, someone to call to fill my bored mind,
Cause really if I did, I wouldn't be trying to rhyme,
Yeah, it smells like teen spirit, but what when it fades?,
All the people gone, the spirit died away,
The bleachers are empty, no crowd for the team,
This is no allegory, it's exactly what it seems,
The train has no conductor, nor any coal for it's steam,
I'm running on empty, but still running, but where am I going,
Yet more important, where will I end?


20010918
 
I had. Just the sex and color thing. Actually we're very alike whether that's good or bad, I don't know.
 
I never realized how similar we are.
 
Boo people, guess what someone close to me died, and as usual, I didn't cry. In fact I didn't know about it till like sunday. I have someones shirt in my possesion, I'm sure that person will get it sometime this week. i'm taking some time off from school I called all my teachers so it's kosher. Anyway, No, I was kidding about having pill to simulate love, but it is a feeling I kind of miss, truly being in love, and being loved back. It's like an artificial love now, but in it's own little odd way I'm still getting it. Whether I'm being used or not isn't of major importance, just as long as I get the feeling and hear those words each night before I go to sleep I guess I can live with it. I'm in limbo I suppose, with my past love I learned the ability to be able to approach women, but didn't need it. I learned how to be openly straight, yet act gay and have fun with it. I learned how to shop too, but that's of minor importance. But god, the feeling was so great I felt so perfect for that one year that I was invincible. I try to copy that feeling, but it's hard, real hard, I wear a mask and hope the mask becomes me. Maybe then i won't miss the feeling anymore cause I'll have it. Damnit, it's not fair that I'm on a god damn leash!It's not fair to say I love you, but we can't be together. It's not fair to be in love with someone with all of your heart then just act like you never were. It's not kosher when you both are in love and would be together if it were not for distance. I don't need medicine, I need a new project. A new means to escape the feeling that bothers me, I think I'll start making that mellon gun.
 
Hey boys and girls, guess what today is (according to the bible code and pyramidology). Today is the beginning of WWIII. That's right, now we can all witnesws the horrible carnage of war for free without having to pay expensive rates for tickets or rental fees to see movies involving war, we'll be abl to watch it for free right on the local news station! Actually, I don't think a war has started yet, oh well. In other news, I was eating chicken strips with barbecue sauce today, but it wasn't barbecue. It was salad dressing.
 
i won a knife at the fair we spent 20 dollars to win a $3 bear. i nearly threw up from a spinny ride and my first day off from work in 5 weeks was today!

20010917
 
I can't post to the blog. Woah, it worked that time. Anyway, Nyao? How do you pronounce that? I've got a bag of peanutbuttercookies on my monitor but I can't give you one right now 'cause try as I might, I can't fit a whole one into the disk drive. They keep crumbling and getting lost. Maybe that's what's screwwing with my ability to post to the blog.
 
Clint, Scott, and Miles have been removed for inactivity. Nyao.
 
Damn it, where are you guys? I'm bored. Fix it. And give me a cookie while you're at it. Please? ^_^
 
Last night I had another weird dream, but I can't really remember it. Cookie.
Nyao. I'm bored.
 
You can't rape the willin', dude

20010916
 
i used to wish a beautoiful woman would come into my room one night and rape me, but that was in jr high
 
Last night I had a dream that some guy kept trying to rape me. It wasn't kosher. And Daniel was there. And Collin and Miles and Oddy and even Ben for a second. Cody was there, too, I think. Daniel was trying to protect me from the guy, but he kept falling asleep.
 
Reducing the human mind to nothing of more value than a collection of chemicals and electricity. That's great. Makes it much easier to kill when emotions are just chemical embalances. I hope you are joking about no longer needing love. Even though I say that life is a joke and one must joke about everything else they become weapons against us, joking about not needing love ain't kosher. "There's nothing you can do that can't be done, there's nothing you can say that can't be sung, Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game. It's easy. All you need is love."
 
I no longer need love. I take pills now that make me feel loved, they're like a supplement for lovin. Aint that kosher?
 
"whats the deal with hot dogs, i mean, they arnt dogs, and most the time, they arnt even hot!" -jerry sinefeild (or will be eventually)

20010915
 
"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see." ----Jack Handy
 
Hey people, how's it going? Why don't you folks post as often as you used to? Post so we can have a grand forum for communication.
 
But I already love you. I love everyone. Now hush.

20010914
 
love me or i will be forced to love all of you with nothing in return
 
What???
 
Maybe Barry shouldn't be forced to post.
 
oh yeah, lets just put this on Andy Yates sholder, he might as well of flew the planes himself
 
i like to eat wintergreen altoids they are curiously strong, but good, mmmmmm yum
 
Can we kill Jerry Falwell?

And, Daniel, can be my little UKRPG person instead? Please?
 
ok ok ok, i am sorry that i havt blogged in such a while, i am gonna as often as i can from now on
 
I think I'm going to start removing the people that have joined and never post.
 
Cookie?
 
This is all very dramatic lately, but if writing it all out serves as somewhat of a catharsis, then I guess more power to you guys.

20010913
 
The piano is such a beautiful instrument. I wish I could play it as well as I hear it, it makes me happy and sad at the same time. To know there is such ruin in the world, but such peace within at times like these. I understand so much about so many others yet so little of myself. I am my own Enigma.
 
I jsut realized how fucking huge my ego is. Hmmm...That's got to be brought down somehow.
 
This is a bit disjointed: There is no such thing as a cowardly way to die collin. And if there was it wouldn't matter for your goal should be to be happy, not to live by some archaic system of honor. Not that I'm encouraging your suicide but I don't want you to believe that those who do commit suicide are wrong in what they do. I have had a few family members commit suicide, though I didn't know them that well. In fact, my paternal grandmother shot herself when I was four. That's depressing, I know. And I know you know I have thought of suicide but I am still here. I did not really have friends until about 1.5 years ago. I have never had a girlfriend or even a date. My mind is plagued by fear of the future and my shallow existence once I grow older and start to work. The way I've looked at it, my life has been on the decline since 1987 when I started school and will be virtually over the first day I report in to work and feel the oppressive force of lifelong debt and responsibility weighing down on me. Yet I still stand. Make me a pillar to stand on and gaze out upon the magnifigance of the world. A support upon which to build an empire. Collin, my friend, I love you as I love all of you that would read this. My conflicts are internal rather than external as those who suffer loss of friends and family members and other such things but they still hurt and I need to express them. I believe I express them a little too often but I don't care. Collin, let me make it known to you that I would not like you to die. That is a selfish impulse, however, since I want you to remain my friend. I would, however, not be sad if you were to die for I know that would greatly offend me if someone was saddened by my death. I don't know how you would feel about this but that is how I feel. When I die I want absolutely no moments of silence or anyone to inconvenience themselves in any way as that would be the most disrespectful thing I can think of for you to do. Instead, I want you to throw a party and joke about me dying and have fun and I want my corpse supported with a pole of some sort and put on a cart and wheeled around the party with a tape player playing clever phrases I have said such as "Many people confuse being invisible with being blind. Millions of people every year poke their eyes out in hopes of being blind" or, this one is really good for the occassion: "I was awarded an ice cream posthumously" which is why my corpse needs to be carrying around a plastic ice cream cone. What do you want done at your funeral if you die, eh?

20010912
 
Lol I wish that had the ability to cheer me up, but I found out today that my funds were frozen, so money till the weekend. Speaking of which, no chicago for me till all this shit is straightened up. So I'm unhappy once again, even more. But knowing that I have all your love, or at least knowing one person gives a shit about me is very aiding in how I feel. Here's a news flash for all of you, I consider suicide very often, but usually rule it out as a cowardly way to die, a method with no honor or true release. I'm about as sad and depeted as brandon at times, and all I can rely on is myself to cheer me up. That's works half the time and then the other half I go outside and yell and work out to release the pressure that I bear in my life. Do you really think I'd still look like I do after not playing football for two years now without working out. It's an tired existance, and I hate it half the time. All I have is this technolgy thing and you guys, mainly the ones in henderson the rest of you are gone. That like made me feel so sad it wasn't funny. But I knew it had to happen someday. God, I wish we were all just together again, and that everything was just kosher nothing changed and I was happy all the time like I used to be. I wish things didn't hurt me, like time. God it hurts, it hurt so much sometimes I want to cry, and sometimes I do, but then I put on my mask and act happy to all of you so you all don't feel all negative around me and I lose you too. I hate defeat, but it feels like that's all I get. I can't win for losing. But still I feel the pangs for companionship sinking in, I fear I'll have to ignore them, I have no time for that right now, I wish I knw how to make time for it, cause it hurts not being able to give your heart to someone out of fear of having it broke again. Do I protect my heart epicureans? Or do I give it to the wolves waiting at my door? That's a side of me you won't see cause I won't show you. Thanks for caring Audrey, all of you. Sorry it's so long audrey, all of you, you know I'm long winded.
 
Ok people, I have a request. Stop writing me at jamapichan@hotmail.com
Use neoqueenzeal@hotmail.com ONLY! It's very annoying to log in and find I have identical messages in both inboxes.
 
But we love you, Collin! Don't worry, be happy, and stuff! ^_^ I thought you were going to buy a car. If I was buying a car I'd be happy. WE HEART YOU! ^_^
 
I suppouse I get second. I'm not all that happy people, even though in the past two days I've gotten 2000$ to the good. I should be unbelieveably happy, but money isn't woking neither is technology. I think lonliness is finally taking hold of me again. I guess listening to total eclipse of the heart isn't helping. Later, and sorry daniel, but you do do it more often than I care for.
 
Do I get the first post today? YES! First post is MINE!

20010911
 
I'm gonna listen to electric funeral (black Sabbath) and the end (the doors)
 
Oh, c'mon, a little lighthearted satire never hurt anyone. Especially in these troubled times...
 
My hair's hot pink. Squee. My nails have sparkly stars on them. Squee. What for art thou speaking of, Sunshine?

Ironic that the religious sites Powers found said the end of the world/world war 3 was going to happen four days before his birthday. We'll see.
 
I gave blood today. Hug me, love me, just don't hurt me! I love you guys! Hugs and kisses for all, well maybe.
 
Sometimes I get sad when a person tells me that I missed out on something. But when I decidedly avoided doing something because I didn't want to for my first semester, and a certain person repeatedly tells me how much I'm missing out on and how lame what I'm doing is I usually get angry. This is one of those cases. If I wanted to go somewhere, I'd be there. I don't need to be reminded each time that I didn't do something everyone else did, and I especially don't need to hear that what I'm doing is in some way wrong. Cause that's how it seems to me when a person repeatedly makes fun of a group of people in general when they don't do what the rest do. Which makes me wonder how much of an epicurean someone is........
 
Some thoughts on college life...

You 'hill' folks really need to stop by sometime that way you can see for sure how much better it is to live on the campus of your college. Take this past weekend for instance: I led two tours into the restricted areas of UK, the "Patterson Hall Breaking and Entering" adventure and the "Tunnels of South Campus". Other highlights include ice skating and a movie. Word of advice for you, if you wear a 15+ shoe like I do watch out for the Lexington Ice Center. I had to put up with a hellacious pair of turniquet 14s since they were the biggest in that half of the city. Another problem with the Lexington Ice Center- the "skate guard" thought I was pretty hot... but he was a damn MAN! Of course, I did get a free hockey puck out of the whole adventure. Stolen, of course, when I lost my balance and fell over a bench. Speaking of gay men, there was a big convention the other night downtown... it was hilarious looking at some of these guys, they were the same stereotypes you see in the tV and movies. Downtown's a real nice place, there's lots of buildings to explore and objects for idle hands to steal. You can even swim in the fountains if you want, I highly recommend it. I got a real nice wine glass, but it was broken in a freak accident involving the hockey puck. On the way back, Drew, Jake and I passed this random married couple. I congratulated them, then the guy started complaining about people crashing his wedding. This was kind of ironic because just a few minutes earlier when I first noticed the wedding I was pondering the feasibility of dressing nice and going to the reception. Granted, I wouldn't know anyone there, but it's free cake, right? I'd still take a present to be nice, everyone could use a few more towels. I know I could... I think me and Powers'shower's leaking; doesn't that flow right off the tongue? Anyway, we've got a serious water problem... I know, some of you are probably thinking "Why don't you just take fewer showers? Well, it's not that easy, especially for me. I just now got my eet un-black from where I walked about a mile downtown barefoot the other day. I showed them to this girl I know, and she was like, You're going to get athelete's foot and your feet will rot off! Wouldn't you know it, she was right. Right now I'm devoid of podias.

Once I wept for I had no shoes, now I weep for I have no feet.
 
Wait... I just realized what you meant! You're bleaching your hair aren't you? I'll get to see it tomorrow yeah. Quite kosher!

20010910
 
In other news Collin Floyd will be meeting the actual Jennifer Nicole Rubsam on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Durring which times he will engage in several activities such as visiting both Second Cities in Chicago. Revisiting Ed Debevicks, visiting the aquarium on Lakeshore, Staying at embassy sutites and so on. He will make shure to make her aware that there are so many people that remotely resmble her that the topic of this Blogs page has been her look alikes for the past five days. Collin would also like to make it known that he and Miliardo Peacecraft (Yours truly) are not the same person, we both live very different lives. He lives on earth, I seek to destroy it. He drives his car which he calls blue, I pilot the mobile suits Tallgeese and epyon. There are major differences I do not wish to discuss now. But be assured when I and the virgo arrive to cleanse the planet of war ridden fools all will be at peace.
 
Bleaching, bleaching, bleaching faerie princess! I'm bored. This stuff needs to learn how to process faster.

20010909
 

has the reaction of @_@

 
Jen's genes are getting into folks all over and mutating them. I saw my older half-sister Christa on father's day and she looks like Jenn.
 
Shit, last night I met a girl that looked just like Jenn, too! Except she's 20 and dating Cody's step-brother.
 
Darkness spreads over me yet again as I realize the futility of my struggle to survive because I do not struggle. I let the stream of existence force me down the stream toward whatever future awaits me. I am usually without the ability to consciously make the decision to do something that will affect my movement in this metaphorical stream. In life, I cannot swim. I wait for things to occur and even when I decide to do something major I often do not do it. I have made the decision to talk to people and make new friends but when it came time for doing I could not bring myself to do so. It was hard for me to even go out and by my text books the other day. If ever I block your way in life, swat me out of the way for I have no motivation to reach my goal and would rather not impede the progress of others.

20010908
 
I met a boy today that looked JUST LIKE JEN. No I am not joking, exaggerating, et cetra.
 
If you like I could limit my self expression on this page of audrey's. I could limit the amount of words I type or limit the thoughts in my head. But then I'd be changing wouldn't I? And if audrey did that to anyone that would be her acting like a person who would rather not listen to what people have to say, making her close-minded. I suggest you just let me type, cause in real life I do take being silenced very seriously and don't like to be told that I'm long winded besides criticism, which wasn't how I felt when I read it. :) So lets all be happy that I have an opinion on everything, and even bother to voice it in any way. Oh, I was bored, that's why I made a big deal out of you two calling me sunshine, it didn't bother me, only confused me at first, but then I got it all's kosher! ^_^

20010907
 
I don't want to have sex with a cat.
 

Nyao! ^_^

Look on the bright side. His kitty's a boy, and he gets some action if you win that other cat at the fair.
 
I took the Chrono Trigger selector test again. I put in completely different answers depending on my mood. I even put in that I was a cross dresser because I've been told my hat is a woman's hat and this time I said I was power hungry because I have been a little wanting of power lately and yet I am still Chrono's cat.
 
Hey Miles. If I've said anything to offend you I am sorry though I don't think I have. I don't like hurting people but I wish I did so I could use some of the awesome things in the Anarchist Cookbook to reek a little havoc. Do you realize how your story of the star eating the moon can be interpreted as a profound symbolic statement? Neither do I. I rammed a Q-tip in my ear once because I forgot it was there. The tip got lost in my ear.
 
I'm again, with in second, coming in third, and fourth.
 
Jesus, I thought I was the one that was supposed to get PMS. Don't you guys start fighting here now.

A Q-tip with the phone? Why? Itaii...

I'm not sure if it can be done or not, Daniel.

Collin, how come if you're okay with me and Donna calling you "Sunshine" you told us not to at first? I meant to ask yesterday, but I forgot.
MSN's been a bitch lately.

Everyone wants to be Magus, but no one ever is. Except me. But not anymore. I retook it and got Marle. I'm going to retake it again and see if I've changed again.
 
So, I don't post often or ever at all. Here's one for you all. I don't recollect fighting with Collin about using the bathroom, but I did once hammer a Q-tip into my ear with the telephone. You all may think of me as a bit assholey at times, but that's just me. Right now is a hard time for me. I'm having to deal with a lot moe than you all know, and I am having problems. I would appreciate you all to keep comments about my behavior to yourself. Once I saw a star, and it ate the moon. When it shit it out, the moon was just a nugget in the sky, but damn what an important nugget. I guess I'm writing this pretty late, and I haven't slept for about 50 hours. If it makes no sense, then fuck you; it's a proposition.
 
Is there a way to set a maximum text limit per post, Audrey?

20010906
 
I want to expose th emessage for Daniel to get the CD in front of many people making him more likely to act upon it. He bit the damned thing back during Barry week. Going to die? Anyway. Ask Daniel about swimming in fountains. Also, we saw a cat in an office with no one else there. Cats don't get office jobs.
 
You live in the same dorm... Why did you post that? To humiliate him? It was kind of pointless. Msn won't let me on so I'm a mad man. And Going 80 down waterworks isn't a specialty, me being able to drive as smoothly as I do is a skill, me being able to predict the timing of all the lights in henderson and evansville is a skill. BEing able to park without breaking nearly perfectly everytime without hardly trying is a skill. And in truth I doubt any of the other people out there besides ericka Pritchett could even come close to how good I am with what I'm forced to use. Just wait till I get the Diablo, then you'll have some thing to cry about. :) when going 175 mph isn't even half way, you gotta wonder how the hell will I speed test that thing? Anyway according to the ct thing I'm best suited to be queen zeal. How cool? I would have rather been magus/Janus but that was my number 2. Everythings coming up daisies for me today. Aint this all kosher? I predict that there's a good chance I'll die soon. So brandon, you might wanna get home soon. Things are really getting to good for me. Call me sunshine if you want, I'm happy, and I do have it in a bag so there!
 
Daniel. I want my Marilyn Manson Antichrist Superstar. You still owe me a copy and I've got the urge to listen to it. If you want CD's to snack on you can get them yourself.
 
Wait...you mean to tell me you and Miles fight over how you're supposed to piss? Unless you two have parts you're not telling us about, there should only be one way to do it.

Now, about your driving.
  • Screeching to a halt fo two shirtless men on horses outside of Sonic
  • Running a red light directly after above incident
  • Waiting until the last second to break
  • Going 80 down Waterworks
  • You consider that an art?
     
    Collin, go to Team, click your name, and edit your profile so you'll have a nickname that shows up.
     
    Interesting...ah...I can't think of anything else to say 'cause I just woke up.

    20010905
     
    Once again me and Miles fought, it seems that that's all we do is fight, but it's always over odd things. Tonight it was over an odd subject that I won't bring to light yet, but all in all it was pointless. I have no problem putting his assholiness in his place. We are twins, mentally, but we have a different approach at things, and that's where we are majorly different. This applies to everything, from women to using the bathroom. I realized also that our relationship is based on competition. I realized this before, but what happens when we have nothing to fight over anymore? It's like Milardo and Heero, one small change of fate and me and Miles could have been the worst of enemies. But instead we all combined thanks in part by Drew, in part by Daniel. A long story, but the epicureans would cease to be if we all weren't in the play "Learn me Something." But someday we'll have nothing to fight over, and then where will we be? Just something to think about.
     
    Collin: When I wrote that, you were not on the list.

    In other news, I'm going to start production on a full-length feature film. Done in flash format, it'll probably have to be distributed by hand via CD-ROM. Expect it in a couple of months.
     
    I'm fairly new to this so I'll just say that my driving is an art for any of you that think otherwise. Sure I have been in one accident, but it wasn't from neglect on my part to observe. It was that bitch's fault for not stopping, and she paid for it, oh yeah, she'll pay for it.... Anyway, really, what's so scary about riding in blue, besides the odd noises it constantly makes when hitting bumps and turning. And now that I've read this this little page I realize that I haven't pursued a certain person either. I really don't know why either I've talked to miles about it before, but we came to no conclusion. It'll just be one of those mysteries that will never be explained. And I miss you guys too, it's not the same here without you all. Later
     
    Hey look, God did something: http://smuncensored.ryusan.net/misc/otafsm1.txt Ok, so it's old, but it's amusing.
    This is amusing, too.
     
    And don't you guys even bother trying to argue with me!
     
    Y'know, every guy in on this list 'cept me has engaged in open pursuit of a certain Miss Walker...

    20010904
     
    audrey, i dont want to take sides on the david ordeal, although you know i would be on your side more than anygthing, i have to tell you what i think of it from my view as a guy..... david was with you because of course at one time he felt attracted to you, maybe it was your looks, or the way that you smiled at him, the list goes on... but his feelings for you depleted as yours grew. he didnt know how to talk to you about it, so he kept on as though everything were normal, because e didnt want to hurt you, and that was taking the idiots way out. not knowing h9ow to tell you, and going on with it, until somthing as important as prom comes up, where he has no choice but to tell you. he knows that if you went to prom together, that after, you would e even more furiouse than you were before, and plus, since his feelings for you arnt as what they were, he had obviously replaced them in someone else, and was too much of a bastard to even tell you it. so now, its right before prom, he knows he has to tell you, and there is no escape for him with a lesser punishment. he acted selfishly, so, from me, and everyone else who knows you, thank you for coming to us when you needed the help. you know we are here for you. especially at UK, it is full of guys and girls that would come to your aid if you desired so. please take all into consideration, thanks, and God bless.
     
    People hurt others without knowing it because they are blind and sometimes they hurt others for sick glee. When David broke your heart I felt anger well up inside me as many of us did. Why anyone would want to hurt you, Audrey, is beyond my capacity to understand, but all people must be forgiven, even the pitiful fools who tread on others feelings without remorse. Some may accredit my need to forgive to my extreme passivity but I honestly want the world to end its hatreds for others and the only way to do that is by eliminating grudges. I have never been hurt seriously emotionally from an external source because I have kept them guarded for my entire life allowing my inner-self to chew away at itself. Due to this fact my opinion is less in value than that of others but it is still worthy of consideration I hope.
     
    Ok, I wanted my Sunkist, too, so I went downstairs.

    He has absolutely no remorse for what he did to me, and he's probably doing it to that poor bitch he was with the other night, although my fortune ball insits he's not, but what does it know? It also insists he's an asshole. Got to give it points there. I just don't understand how he can go around hurting people and not even give a damn about it.

    And I don't want any "I told you so"s from you guys.
     
    I'll tell you when I feel like going downstairs to get my journal.

    I carried on a conversation with my psychic (aka the fortune ball that Cody bought me) last night. My final question: Am I insane for talking to a plastic ball? The answer I was given: Probably.
     
    People at County thought Collin was gay. If you don't mind me asking, how exactly does he make you sick?

    20010903
     
    People at HCC think Collin's gay.
    David makes me sick.
     
    Good Evening, my children. I have given up on my efforts to destroy religion and end suffering. I realized that if everyone is free, nothing will get done. We need people to fit into the machine to keep it running so that I and others like me can be parasites and happy and be out from under the thumb of debt. All I want is freedom so I may persue happiness. My personal philosophies, while I will still continue in writing my old ones about ending suffering, I will also begin with new, more Nietzche-influenced writing. The weak minded are here to serve the strong minded as pieces of the capitalist machine that keeps a constant supply of whatever I need in this country. No more socialist anarchy for me. I shall become a parasite of society.

    20010902
     
    Ah, Daniel, you are just spoiled from being in lexington where there is always something to do and often doesn't cost money. Here we can just hang out. Don't really have a hangout spot in Hendo since Drew and Chelsea broke up. And by the way, Henderson is Hell. And what the hell started the town being refered to as Hendo? II just nticed I've been doing that a lot and I want to know the origin of the word?
     
    Damn the town to hell.
     
    I'm getting upset. There's nothing to do in this old town.

    20010901
     
    A cookie, eh? I have many of those at my dorm in lexington. Mmmmm....cookie.
     
    No, none of those were spotted last night. I just kept getting paranoid about him getting so close to other cars at the speed he was going and then having those cars put on their breaks. And then I thought he was going to drive right through a red light once. And then having him go 80 mph down Waterworks didn't help matters much either. I need a cookie.
     
    What, did collin see shirtless men on horses again or something?
     
    Mew.

    Collin's driving makes me nervous. I swear he's going to kill me one day.

    We saw Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back last night. Silent Bob was pissing me off. The whole point of being SILENT BOB is to NOT SPEAK! MREH!
     
    Crazy self-mutilating weirdos... I don't have any qualms about getting hurt while doing stuff like climbing trees or crawling through basement windows, but I have to draw the line at active infliction.
     
    Yes, I held the heated blade of a knife to my hand it's exhilirating. And last night I even burned daniel with his own cigar. The latter was, of course, an accident.
     
    My hair isn't white yet. I am in Hendo right now and I knew I was coming so I couldn't bleach my hair. A belly button ring? Ewwww. That just freaks me out but of course, holding a hot knife blade to my hand also freaks people out.

     

     
       
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